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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
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11:21 am
I want to write. I need to write. I'm not sure yet if I want anyone else reading it though. I'm pretty sure I've gone completely insane. Anyone got any good mind altering drugs?
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Sunday, January 13th, 2008
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10:19 pm - I must be bored
An actual entry coming soon.. most likely.
( Survey thingy behind the cut )
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Wednesday, October 17th, 2007
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12:55 pm - Trying to find that motivation I lost somewhere
About 2 months ago, I decided, enough was enough, it was time to get my act together. Time to stop being lazy, time to take control of my life back, time to stop being fat. So the journey began, as most do, the first month was great, I exercised my butt off (almost literally) and watched what I ate just about perfectly (give or take a few beers). And then the next month, things kept going, there was a little "cheating" and a few "rest" days, and before you know it, I'm sick as a dog and working my ass off at work. Since then, things have slowly been going down hill. I haven't gained any weight, I've managed to keep off the 15lbs I've lost (so far anyways) but I can tell I'm heading in the wrong direction. I haven't been to the gym in over a week, and am guilty of eating fast food more than once last week. Now, my lifestyle is nowhere near what it had been before this change, but I can say for sure, I don't like what it is currently. But the problem? Where did my motivation go? I'm pretty sure I burnt myself out, and once I got sick, the excuse of "I don't feel well" and "I'm too tired" came all too easy. And there is always the comfort foods that immediately begin to crave the moment I feel a sickness coming on. So, enough is enough... again. It's time to regroup, locate that motivation that is currently hiding from me, and get my ass back into gear. I figured I'd start a list, of all the reasons I want to do this, so next time this happens, because we all know it will, I can check back here, and remind myself why doing this to myself. So in no particular order, here we go!
1. To boost myself esteem
2. So people will judge me for me and not by the size of my waist
3. To live a long healthy life
4. To be physically fit enough to do all the activies I want
5. To be able to RUN! (I've actually worked myself up to jogging 1.5 miles so so far)
6. I want to have babies one day
7. To wear low rise jeans without having to worry
8. To love the way I look when I look in the mirror
9. I want to prove to myself that I can do whatever I put my mind to
10. I want to be able to buy clothes in sizes that don't include an X
11. I'm tired of being the token fat funny friend
12. I'm tired of being tired
13. So I don't try to hide behind people or objects in pictures
14. I don't have to worry about which way I need to tilt my head so I don't get a double chin in pictures
15. I want to be able to walk into any store and find something cute to wear
16. I want to inspire people
17. I want to be HOT
More to come...
current mood:  exhausted (1 comment | comment)
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Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
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10:44 pm - last week
was one of the most awesome weeks ever. thanks to 2 of my favorite canadians. lets do it again please!
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Saturday, August 18th, 2007
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11:47 am
i love my new icon, and i love the man in it.
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Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
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8:35 am
I started a blog. Somewhere else. If you're interested, let me know.
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Monday, August 6th, 2007
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1:18 pm - oh monday
I hate Monday's, I'd much rather they just don't even exist and we skip right ahead to Tuesdays. They're not the greatest days either, but hey, ANYTHING is better than Monday.
It's already been quite a day, starting with my alarm not going off and being an hour late to work. That right there should of told me to just go back to sleep.
Then there was the disagreement with the boy earlier this morning. Over what? A non-existant vacation. Silly, dumb, lame, pathetic. Maybe to some. But I promise the real issue wasn't so much. Because you know, what starts the fight is never really what the fight is about. Maybe I'll go into detail later, at this point though, I'm tired of being annoyed by it.
And lastly, after realizing yesterday that my "baggy" jeans are no longer as "baggy" as they once were, it's time to start a "diet". I really hate that term, and any real "diet" isn't that.. "it's a way of life" blahblahblah. I've done my research, I know how it works. Whatev. I can pretty much safely say, what it is IS infact a diet. Since at the present time I can't really afford too much of the good, healthy, not processed until all of the nutrients are gone, type foods. I have to go with what I have, and just realize, I can't eat so much of it. Which pretty much comes to calorie counting. The good news is I love diet soda, and water more. I already eat a pretty healthy (when i don't get convinced into fast food) lunch. So what it really comes down to is, laying off the chocolate, the fast food, and the random eating that is done at home... out of boredom? That sounds awful, but it happens. Oh yes, and alcohol, I really think THAT is the killer here, recently the booze and I have gotten extremely close. So to save my waistline and my inherited high risk of alcoholism, I'm definately thinking I need to cut back, majorly. So as much as I hate to admit it, I can't deny it anymore. I'm fat. I can cant calories with the best of them, and I can eat healthy when I want to. What I really need to do is get off my lazy (fat) ass and get to the gym, where I have that membership that I haven't used in 6 months. Wish me luck! I really wish I had fellow fat friends around here to work with on this. Why did I have to befriend skinny people?! Damnit!
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Saturday, August 4th, 2007
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3:47 pm - I love youtube
I was looking on youtube for pilate videos and I came across this. I just had to share... apparently it is a japanese exercise video.
LOVE IT!
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Friday, August 3rd, 2007
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9:25 am - Hate Blockbuster
This friday is turning out to be wonderful. I can't even believe I haven't been at work for quite an hour and a half yet, it feels like it's time to go home already. This has been one of the most stressful weeks in history, I'm pretty sure, and it's only going to get worse the next 2 months. Yay. Hello ulcer! Hello alcoholism! Sweet! Anyways, ontop of working being extremely horrid, I had the pleasure of finding out that the evil entity that is Blockbuster Online is trying to screw me over. And not in the good way. Back in June I had signed up for their free trial. I had previously been using netflix and heard through the grapevine that it was way better. So what the hell? Well the trial was about to expire and I hadn't watched my most recent movies yet, so I canceled. This was the end of June. They sent me the lovely cancellation email, begging me to come back, and reminding me I had 8 WEEKS to return my current movies. Cool, I can handle that, and I might even get to watch them! Cut to yesterday. Not 8 weeks later, about 4... admittedly I still haven't watched the movies, but I figured, I still had time, and I would eventually get around to it. Ha. This morning during my morning web browsing to get my mind going for work, I thought I'd check out my bank account, and see what was going on there. Thats when I saw it. -21.75, -21.75, -21.75 Blockbuster Online, Blockbuster Online, BlockbusterfuckingOnline. WHAT THE F. I call them up, I explain whats going on. The girl on the other end tries to tell me "Oh, you got the wrong information, you're only suppose to get 30 days." Ladeeda. Oh really? Do you want me to send you the email? email? fax? which do you prefer? "Oh. Well I can't refund that, but 5 days after you return the movies, you'll be automatically refunded" What? Are you serious? At that point I really should have asked to speak with her manager, and I'm almost tempted to call back. What kind of business practice is that? Here, let me tell you one thing, oh just kidding, we lied. And it's ok! We can do that! It specifically says "Return by this date, TO AVOID ADDITIONAL CHARGES" Not, "Ok you can return them by this date, but we're going to go ahead and charge you for them anyways, at some random time and then we will refund the money later at our convenience." Grrr. bullshit.
I can tell this is going to be a fantastic day.
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Friday, July 20th, 2007
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9:43 am - So done
I'm ready to run off to canada, who wants to come? Hey erin do you still have that extra room...
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Thursday, July 19th, 2007
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4:36 pm - To fufill my emo posting quota for the month
It always amazes me how things can go from fine, to crumbling at your feet so quickly. When will I ever get good at this?
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2:19 pm - One of those days
Today is just one of those days, you know the ones where you should of just stayed in bed? It started off alright, I mean, aside from waking up late and rushing out the door and being slightly late for work. The morning wasn't too bad, not very eventful and pretty quiet, but somewhere between 10 and 11, I was hit with the worst cranky mood ever. It seemed everything that was said or heard was irritating. Noises, people, feelings, text. Irritating. Shortly there after the sensation of being stabbed in the abdomen came over me, and I quickly realized what exactly was going on. Atleast now I know I'm not going crazy, and I have somewhat of an excuse for the feelings I've had today. But regardless, I hate feeling cranky, I know I'm unpleasant, even without the harsh acknowledgement of my mood by a certain friend/coworker. I just told you I'm cranky, I warned you before you started this conversation, theres no need to remind me repeatedly in the same 5 minutes, I get it. Thankfully the day is winding to an end, definately not as quickly as I would like, but it's not painfully slow like other days in the past. Plus I have an evening of yummy food, french martinis and good friends to look for. What more could a girl ask for?
current mood:  cranky (1 comment | comment)
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Wednesday, July 18th, 2007
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8:16 pm - testing
1-2-3
helllooooo?
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7:50 pm - Things
They are a-changin! Nothing spectacular to note at the moment. Life is good, for the most part. I'm in good health, I have a wonderful boyfriend, and fabulous friends, what more could you ask for? A job that didn't make me miserable would be good, but eh, what can you do! :) Atleast it's nearly friday, tomorrow I'm meeting up with the girls for happy hour at a french restaurant in pike place, it should be fun. I've never had escargot, i'm kind of looking forward to trying it! :)
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Monday, June 11th, 2007
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8:33 am - whine
Monday morning... I want to go home and go back to bed. But what is new? Have I mentioned recently I hate my job? Oh, if I haven't. I do. Ok, thats not fair, I don't hate my JOB, just.. certain aspects of it (meanbipolarinsecurefakebitches). But I'm trying to make the most of it, while I try and ward off the thoughts of looking for a new job. I don't know if I would actually be able to find one around here that would pay me enough to continue my lavish lifestyle (aka pay my bills). Trying to take every day, one day at time. I'm just feeling extra angst today. I think I need a vacation. It's too bad I don't have any vacation time, and I'm saving my "sick" time for when Josh comes up next month. Hopefully I can make it that long.
current mood: annoyed (comment)
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Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
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4:20 pm
fuck that idea.
fuck.
i give up.
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10:18 am - happy vd
today is going to be fabulous. we will worry about yesterday, tomorrow.
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Monday, February 12th, 2007
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8:57 am
I really don't think this weekend could have been any more F'd up. Though, it is kind of my own fault. R likes to say, "You dropped the atomic bomb of drama" - ugh. Yes I may have said a few things that I shouldnt, but in my defense, it wasn't like it was supersecretomgivenevertoldanyoneinmylife kinda stuff. I didn't even mean to, it just came out in casual conversation. Which resulted in, truths coming out, and lies being shown. Not mine, I've been very good about not lying. Basically what it comes down to is, this girl, who has the mental stability of a pea, has been lying to 2 boys. One her "boyfriend" and the other, my R (who really isnt mine, and thats another long story for another time.) On the way home from R's on Saturday night, we all found out what a small little world this crazy place is. R and Crazy (which is term I will use while refering to the girl) were going to hang out that night. Crazy has a "friend" she had been telling R about, that she didn't really like, or something. I got a bit of the details from R while we had dinner before their little session was to begin. Crazy's friend sounded a LOT like someone I knew at one point, and I told this to R, he thought it was a little weird but didn't really think much of it. Fast forward to later that night, I'm driving home. Out of nowhere, seriously haven't talked to this guy in MONTHS the guy I thought was Crazys friend calls me. We do the chatty thing, whats up how you been, we get to the point where we talk about if we're seeing anyone, he says he still has the same girlfriend... "Oh? What was her name again?" - "Crazy" ....... "Wow what a small world! My friend R knows her! It is so weird that you called me tonight! We were just talking about you earlier, R and Crazy are hanging out later or something!" Immediately, before he even says anything, I think OH SHIT, I shouldn't have said that. FUCK FUCK FUCK. And my thoughts are immediately confirmed. The sound from the end of the phone was very similar to "AUHGHWHEWERISUEWHHEH!!!!!!" Then it was "I gotta go" *click*
To make a very long story, very short. R had been hanging out with Crazy, not knowing she had a boyfriend. Lies The boyfriend was jealous of R, and thought Crazy was going to break up with him. Crazy told her boyfriend she had told R about him. Lie. R had told me he and Crazy were purely friend and didn't like eachother. Lie Lie Lie.
I got yelled at, I almost lost R completely. Crazy got even crazier. Crazy got consoled all night by R for being Crazy and a big fat Liar. (How does that work?) And her "boyfriend" has decided we need to become fast friends and wants to hang out. My goodness.
I can't wait till next weekend.
In other news, I got a hair cut, washed my car, did laundry, saw my dad AND went shopping. After the dramafest I definately needed some retail therapy.
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Sunday, February 4th, 2007
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6:22 pm
i'm feeling restless and needy, and i really hate it. i hate the feeling of being empty when i'm alone, i'm not use to this.
where are all my happy thoughts? life is good right now. i love my job, my apartment, my friends. i'm just tired of this overwhelming feeling that something is missing.
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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9:16 pm
false alarm. note to self, must stop over analyzing everying and just let things be.
in other news i am already ready for this weekend. whenever the senior partner comes to town it causes a lot of extra stress and everyone starts freaking out. good thing everything will be back to normal tomorrow.
back to finish dishes, then off to clean the tub. you're jealous, i know.
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